Who I Became in My 30s… and Who I’m Ready to Be at 40

The night before 40

The night before my 40th birthday, I took time to be still. Just in reflection. It was my last night in my 30s… and I felt it. Not in my bones, but in my spirit. I could feel a door closing behind me and another one creaking open. I found myself thinking back to who I was when I first stepped into that last decade. That woman was so different than the woman I have become now.

Back in 2015, I had just gotten married right before my 30th birthday. I had just become Jasmine Newton , and while I was happy, it was also bittersweet. I was letting go of the name I’d carried my entire life. Morris. The name tied to a grandfather I never got to meet…. a legacy I still don’t fully know. It was the name I had built my young identity around and letting go of it was deeper than just a paperwork change. It was a shift in who I was. It felt like shedding one identity to make room for another, and honestly, I wasn’t fully ready for all that came with it.

Marriage made me look at everything differently. What I did wasn’t just a reflection of just me anymore… it reflected on my husband, too. I felt pressure to be the kind of wife and mother I had seen in other people’s lives, on TV, in books… and eventually, I realized I couldn’t be them. I had to figure out what kind of wife I wanted to be. What kind of mother I was becoming. And I had to grow into that with grace, and sometimes through failure.

The Building Years

2015 was also the year I got fired from my last full-time job. I didn’t have a backup plan. I just had a camera and a whole lot of passion. I started photographing anything I could. Babies, buildings, weddings, pets, friends, strangers. It wasn’t glamourous and I barely made much money at all, but I loved it. And even in those early days of learning how to use my camera, people could see the quality and care I put into my work.

Eventually, I realized: I love photographing women. That’s where I light up. That’s where I feel most in purpose. And so I built something from nothing and Javon Renee Portraits was born

Back then, success meant getting booked for shoots as much as possible. Maybe having a studio. That was it. That was the whole dream.

Now? My vision is bigger. I want to change my family tree. I want to build generational wealth and legacy. I want to tell stories, speak on stages, travel the world, create impact, and have ease while doing it. I want to lead, to teach, to pour into others while continuing to pour into myself.

What My 30s Gave Me

My 30s weren’t easy… not by a long shot.

I juggled being a mom and building a business. And while I carry that mom guilt, feeling like I missed out on moments with my son, I also see the fruit. He watches me. He sees the hustle and the vision. He wants his own business one day. I may not have been perfect, but I showed him what persistence looks like.

We moved my mother into our home in 2015 as well, and while that started off smooth, it came with growing pains. She was used to running her own house. I was learning to run mine. We clashed. We talked. We clashed again. And now, in some ways, the roles have reversed. She leans on me now. And it’s strange and beautiful all at once.

There were joyful moments… seeing my step daughter graduate, watching my son start kindergarten, game nights, celebrating small wins as a family. And then there were the heavy ones… losing my mother-in-law to cancer in 2019. Watching my husband spiral into grief. He was physically present, but emotionally… gone. For four years, I felt like I lost him too. I felt like I was in a marriage alone. Like I was doing life alone. Even still… I can’t imagine how he felt losing his rock… his everything.

And through it all, I kept going.
Even when I was tired. Even when we almost lost our home… twice.
Even when I questioned if I could keep doing this.
Even when the money didn’t come… and there were plenty of times it didn’t come.

I kept going.

Because I’m stubborn. Because I’m resilient.
Because going back to a job that doesn’t see me ain’t an option.
Because I didn’t come this far to only come this far.

Then came 2021… my breaking point.
My body and spirit finally broke down. I was exhausted. Depressed. Angry. Sick. Losing weight. I had poured out so much that there was nothing left. I hit a wall physically and emotionally that forced me to finally learn how to rest, how to say no, and how to create boundaries that protect my peace. How to finally, finally care for myself like I always cared for everyone else.

A Decade of Impact

When I started this journey, I just wanted to take good photos. Help people feel something. Help my family. That was it.

I never imagined I’d be here 10 years later… with a business, a brand, a body of work, and a reputation built on things I never dreamed I could do.

Over the years, my work has been featured in Knox News, Click Magazine, The Portrait Masters, VoyageATL, WATE, and Hushh Magazine. I’ve spoken on panels and stages hosted by Let Her Speak, The University of Tennessee, The University of Virginia College at Wise, The Permission Slip Conference, and more. I’ve been a guest on podcasts, written about in digital and print magazines, and trusted to teach, mentor, moderate, and lead.

I’ve served as a leader in Rising Tide Society, both locally and nationally. I’ve chaired the Maker City Summit, mentored through the Knoxville Entrepreneur Center, Let Her Lead, and served on boards for both the photography program at Pellissippi State and The Women of Knoxville.

And in June 2024, I became an alumna of the Goldman Sachs: Black in Business Program… something I never thought I’d be a part of. And that opened up a whole new level of belief in what I can do.

I look back at all of this, not to brag, but to remind myself that I’ve built something from the ground up. That I’ve made something out of nothing. That I’ve already impacted lives. I didn’t have to be rich and famous to do so. And even through the struggles I still face today… I’m still showing up.

And yet… I still feel like I’m just getting started.

There’s more I want to do. More I want to say. More I want to become.
Even if it scares me.
Especially if it scares me.

Because fear no longer gets to drive the car. Not at 40. Not after all this.

Walking Into 40

Thanks to my 30s… I know who I am now.
I’m not trying to fit someone else’s image. I’m not trying to play small.

I'm done hiding. I'm done shrinking.
I’m done waiting for permission.

I'm walking into this next decade unapologetically myself.
With strength. With boundaries. With vision.

I’m calling in abundance, breakthrough, favor, gratitude, joy, and peace.
Not just for me, but for everyone connected to me.

I’ve come a long way.
And I still have more to do.
I’m ready.